I Shall Call Them... Mini Reviews
Aladdin (G)
Aladdin and The Lion King are the last two decent animated films Disney has produced. Robin Williams kind of steals the show but I think that's what makes this movie so much fun to watch. MATINEE
Alien Vs. Predator (PG-13)
How in the world can you bring these two alien species together in a PG-13 atmosphere. Fundamentally, that decision sent this movie way off course right from the very beginning. There's no way this film could live up to the hype with a PG-13 rating. The studio stuck to the formula right down the line so AVP offers no surprises, zero chills, and not a single thrill. CATV
A Cinderella Story (G)
Hilary Duff revisits the fairy tale with a modern spin. She meets her prince online and immediately they make the connection. Both long to go to Princeton but both are trapped in families that are less-than-supportive. The father of this young prince has big plans for his son, living vicariously through him as he pushes his son towards USC and a football scholarship. Meanwhile, Jennifer Coolidge makes for an amusing "wicked step-mother" seeking to keep Duff shackled inside her father's old diner forever and ever. The story has some moments and Duff's charm far exceeds that of most of her Hollywood counterparts which is refreshing. CATV
Coffee and Cigarettes (R)
The original short film Cigarettes and Coffee starring two of the funniest men alive--Steven Wright and Roberto Benigni--originally aired on Saturday Night Live in 1986. Very funny stuff. Another short came 'round in 1989 featuring Steve Buscemi. Then came a whole bunch more. They have been compiled into this one feature film aptly entitled Coffee and Cigarettes which features extraneous conversations over... you guessed it! Coffee and Cigarettes. Bill Murray, Alfred Molina, and Kate Blanchett our outstanding in their respective featurettes. RENTAL
Young Adam (NC-17)
Sexually charged and driven movie about a morally reprehensible guy. The movie unfolds the only way it could to give the story any shot at an element of surprise and I guess the plot twist that this guy is just a first-class jerk. The entire thing kinda defies the notion of what story is supposed to be. Robert McKee's not gonna be happy with this one. I hope it wasn't penned by one of his students. Yikes. Who cares if the performances are good? I didn't care for the story or the characters. FORGEDABOUDIT!
How in the world can you bring these two alien species together in a PG-13 atmosphere. Fundamentally, that decision sent this movie way off course right from the very beginning. There's no way this film could live up to the hype with a PG-13 rating. The studio stuck to the formula right down the line so AVP offers no surprises, zero chills, and not a single thrill. CATV
A Cinderella Story (G)
Hilary Duff revisits the fairy tale with a modern spin. She meets her prince online and immediately they make the connection. Both long to go to Princeton but both are trapped in families that are less-than-supportive. The father of this young prince has big plans for his son, living vicariously through him as he pushes his son towards USC and a football scholarship. Meanwhile, Jennifer Coolidge makes for an amusing "wicked step-mother" seeking to keep Duff shackled inside her father's old diner forever and ever. The story has some moments and Duff's charm far exceeds that of most of her Hollywood counterparts which is refreshing. CATV
Coffee and Cigarettes (R)
The original short film Cigarettes and Coffee starring two of the funniest men alive--Steven Wright and Roberto Benigni--originally aired on Saturday Night Live in 1986. Very funny stuff. Another short came 'round in 1989 featuring Steve Buscemi. Then came a whole bunch more. They have been compiled into this one feature film aptly entitled Coffee and Cigarettes which features extraneous conversations over... you guessed it! Coffee and Cigarettes. Bill Murray, Alfred Molina, and Kate Blanchett our outstanding in their respective featurettes. RENTAL
Dawn of the Dead 2004 (R)
Zack Snyder's remake falls well short of George Romero's classic. About the only thing that's been improved upon here are the Zombies and their makeup. The original touched on so many poignant issues of the day--blind consumerism, racism, and more--but,aside from the mall, the remake fails to strike the same meaningful cords. Ving Rhames and Mekhi Phifer play up the hood verses cop motif in the beginning of the story but this falls by the wayside when Phifer's girlfriend starts giving birth to... something. The film varies greatly from the original and for the most part these variations are not for the better. In the end, as the credits roll, the story simply reverts to genre cliche, offering us nothing new whatsoever. There were so many plot twists inherent to the story for the filmmakers to arrive at a creative ending but their failure to pounce of the obvious yields nothing but hardcore disappointment. CATV
The Day After Tomorrow(PG-13)
Dennis Quaid and Jake Gyllenhaal camp it up in this preachy little cautionary tale replete with exaggerated calamity and outlandish cataclysm. This is pretty standard stuff, really; a typical disaster flick all the way. I was really getting perturbed by all the political jabs--a President that does nothing but resembles George W. Bush and a Vice President who strongly favors Dick Cheney and supposedly runs the country long before the President's motorcade gets frozen in ice (which we never get to see, by the way.) As if the global warming issue isn't political enough. There were times in this film where I felt like I'd been gagged and bound to a tree by some obscure leftist faction in the hopes that some stereotypically vicious, ferociously sadistic, money-hording conservative, Bush-voting logger from Hades wouldn't lower an axe to my pleasantly-plump trunk. I don't like my films to be so political and I didn't like much about this film at all. But... The effects are REALLY cool. So I watched it twice. RENTAL
Zack Snyder's remake falls well short of George Romero's classic. About the only thing that's been improved upon here are the Zombies and their makeup. The original touched on so many poignant issues of the day--blind consumerism, racism, and more--but,aside from the mall, the remake fails to strike the same meaningful cords. Ving Rhames and Mekhi Phifer play up the hood verses cop motif in the beginning of the story but this falls by the wayside when Phifer's girlfriend starts giving birth to... something. The film varies greatly from the original and for the most part these variations are not for the better. In the end, as the credits roll, the story simply reverts to genre cliche, offering us nothing new whatsoever. There were so many plot twists inherent to the story for the filmmakers to arrive at a creative ending but their failure to pounce of the obvious yields nothing but hardcore disappointment. CATV
The Day After Tomorrow(PG-13)
Dennis Quaid and Jake Gyllenhaal camp it up in this preachy little cautionary tale replete with exaggerated calamity and outlandish cataclysm. This is pretty standard stuff, really; a typical disaster flick all the way. I was really getting perturbed by all the political jabs--a President that does nothing but resembles George W. Bush and a Vice President who strongly favors Dick Cheney and supposedly runs the country long before the President's motorcade gets frozen in ice (which we never get to see, by the way.) As if the global warming issue isn't political enough. There were times in this film where I felt like I'd been gagged and bound to a tree by some obscure leftist faction in the hopes that some stereotypically vicious, ferociously sadistic, money-hording conservative, Bush-voting logger from Hades wouldn't lower an axe to my pleasantly-plump trunk. I don't like my films to be so political and I didn't like much about this film at all. But... The effects are REALLY cool. So I watched it twice. RENTAL
DeLovely (PG-13)
In this biographical musical about the life, loves, and sexcapades of Cole Porter, Kevin Kline and Ashley Judd render solid performances. Songs and appearances by Alanis Morressette, Cheryl Crow, and Elvis Costello keep this film mildly interesting. I could see what the filmmakers were going for here, but I just didn't buy into it. RENTAL
Diamond Men (R)
In this surprisingly sweet tale of friendship, Robert Forester and Donnie Wahlberg play traveling diamond salesmen. Forester is being forced to retire from the business because a recent hear attack has left him uninsurable to transport the sample case he carries. The value of said case hovers somewhere between $1-2 million bucks at any given time. The company allows Forester to hang onto his job just a little while longer in order to train Wahlberg to take over his route. Eventually the two form a bond as the story builds to a nice resolution. Jasmine Guy joins the cast as the owner of a remote brothel who genuinely cares for both characters. RENTAL
The Girl Next Door (R)
Hit and miss. I really dug the homage to Risky Business early on--the outlandish dreams and the music--and to be honest I really could relate to the the lead character in this film. His sense of quiet desperation at the thought of graduating high school without having done anything he really wanted to do. Surprisingly this story is quite touching through certain sequences but once the homage became cliche (lets face it, it is virtually a remake of Risky Business with porn stars in lieu of prostitutes sans Joe Pantilliano) I became disappointed. Still, Elisha Cuthbert and Emile Hirsch performances elevate this one a cut above standard teenage hormone overload flair. MATINEE
Goodfellas (R)
After watching this film you will never listen to Layla the same way again. Maybe that's why Clapton released another version a few years back. GoodFellas has stood the test of time and is one of the greatest gangster movies of all time. The performances are outstanding and this flick even gave birth to one of my favorite cartoons--The GoodFeathers on The Anamaniacs. HOT DATE
Mean Girls (PG-13)
Tina Fey (Saturday Night Live) penned this sordid little cat fight. The story begins strong, but resorts to cheap theatrics in the end. Very clever though. The biggest problem with the script is that it was obviously rewritten to accommodate MPAA sensibilities and grab that precious PG-13 rating. The movie would have been a lot smarter with a R-rating. Regardless, McAdams steals the show. She can act circles around Lohan any day of the week and she's twice the looker (without the dye job). Bull Durham's rating: RENTAL
In this biographical musical about the life, loves, and sexcapades of Cole Porter, Kevin Kline and Ashley Judd render solid performances. Songs and appearances by Alanis Morressette, Cheryl Crow, and Elvis Costello keep this film mildly interesting. I could see what the filmmakers were going for here, but I just didn't buy into it. RENTAL
Diamond Men (R)
In this surprisingly sweet tale of friendship, Robert Forester and Donnie Wahlberg play traveling diamond salesmen. Forester is being forced to retire from the business because a recent hear attack has left him uninsurable to transport the sample case he carries. The value of said case hovers somewhere between $1-2 million bucks at any given time. The company allows Forester to hang onto his job just a little while longer in order to train Wahlberg to take over his route. Eventually the two form a bond as the story builds to a nice resolution. Jasmine Guy joins the cast as the owner of a remote brothel who genuinely cares for both characters. RENTAL
The Girl Next Door (R)
Hit and miss. I really dug the homage to Risky Business early on--the outlandish dreams and the music--and to be honest I really could relate to the the lead character in this film. His sense of quiet desperation at the thought of graduating high school without having done anything he really wanted to do. Surprisingly this story is quite touching through certain sequences but once the homage became cliche (lets face it, it is virtually a remake of Risky Business with porn stars in lieu of prostitutes sans Joe Pantilliano) I became disappointed. Still, Elisha Cuthbert and Emile Hirsch performances elevate this one a cut above standard teenage hormone overload flair. MATINEE
Goodfellas (R)
After watching this film you will never listen to Layla the same way again. Maybe that's why Clapton released another version a few years back. GoodFellas has stood the test of time and is one of the greatest gangster movies of all time. The performances are outstanding and this flick even gave birth to one of my favorite cartoons--The GoodFeathers on The Anamaniacs. HOT DATE
Mean Girls (PG-13)
Tina Fey (Saturday Night Live) penned this sordid little cat fight. The story begins strong, but resorts to cheap theatrics in the end. Very clever though. The biggest problem with the script is that it was obviously rewritten to accommodate MPAA sensibilities and grab that precious PG-13 rating. The movie would have been a lot smarter with a R-rating. Regardless, McAdams steals the show. She can act circles around Lohan any day of the week and she's twice the looker (without the dye job). Bull Durham's rating: RENTAL
Man on Fire (R)
The performances of Denzel Washington and Dakota Fanning rescue their respective characters from the pit of cliche. Tony Scott's directorial style gives a simple story some complexity. The film runs a little long. Don't expect Washington to become that proverbial Man on Fire until the movie is half-way over, but from there on out it is a heckuva ride. RENTAL
The Notebook (PG-13)
Another tear-jerker adapted from a Nicholas Sparks novel, The Notebook leapfrogs through time in a vain attempt to hide the obvious. It doesn't take much to see where this movie is going and what's going on. Even so, the performances are outstanding, especial James Garner and Rachel McAdams. Not many movies make for a better date--just in time for Valentine's Day. MATINEE
The performances of Denzel Washington and Dakota Fanning rescue their respective characters from the pit of cliche. Tony Scott's directorial style gives a simple story some complexity. The film runs a little long. Don't expect Washington to become that proverbial Man on Fire until the movie is half-way over, but from there on out it is a heckuva ride. RENTAL
The Notebook (PG-13)
Another tear-jerker adapted from a Nicholas Sparks novel, The Notebook leapfrogs through time in a vain attempt to hide the obvious. It doesn't take much to see where this movie is going and what's going on. Even so, the performances are outstanding, especial James Garner and Rachel McAdams. Not many movies make for a better date--just in time for Valentine's Day. MATINEE
p.s. (R)
Aside from some mildly amusing moments from Topher Grace and a surprisingly sexy supporting role by Marcia Gay Harden, there's just nothing really special here. Laura Linney plays a middle aged college dean who stumbles across a student who reminds her of an old flame. CATV
The Prince and Me (PG)
This horrible film is back to terrorize us again. If not for her five minute appreances in the last two Bourne films, I wouldn't even know Stiles could act. Her choice of roles lacks something to be desired and this awful flick drags on and on and on until you really don't want her to be with that idiotic prince anymore. The film would have been more aptly titled, The Dullard and Me. FORGEDABOUDIT!
Raising Helen (PG-13)
Cute is as cute does. Kate Hudson's comedic chops can't help but remind us of her mother's (Goldie Hawn) turn on Rowan and Martin's Laugh In. Hudson also possesses the same depth and breadth that help Hawn's career span decades. Garry Marshall, the director, makes the most of the material here by spinning a palpable tale into a something mildly endearing. The fact that this simplistic movie amuses is a testament to Marshall's innate ability both as a storyteller and comedian. While Raising Helen remains predictable throughout, Hudson and the kids (Spencer & Abigail Breslin and Hayden Panettiere) keep us entertained. The end result was more delightful than I anticipated but still short of something original. RENTAL
Shark Tale (PG)
This film offers much in the way of laughs for the avid moviegoer. Not only does it spoof mobster movies and Titanic, it poke targets its own actors as well and their previous films, including Ali and Jerry Maguire. Martin Scorsese is brilliant in a film type-cast right down the line to Angelina Jolie as the bad girl. This one is just a whole lot of fun. MATINEE
The Shawshank Redemption (R)
Number 53 on Bull Durham's All-Time list is this film based on a Stephen King short story. This drama is genuinely heartfelt and moving. It delivers a message of hope. Everything came together in this film to make it something very special... worth watching over and over and over again. HOT DATE
Stateside (R)
Mark Deloach (Jonathan Tucker) lived a charmed life of privilege until he seriously injured a priest and a friend driving while intoxicated. Deloach was shipped off by his father (Joe Mantegna) to join the Marines in an attempt to avoid prosecution where his drill sergeant (Val Kilmer) desperately tries to weed him out. Meanwhile, the incident has brought out all sorts of issues for his toothless friend Sue(Agnes Bruckner). She soon finds herself in a psychiatric hospital with a schizophrenic roommate named Dori Lawrence (Rachael Leigh Cook), a musician and actress of some note. She quickly falls in love with the Marine but between her mental illness and his pending deployment overseas, their love appears star-crossed to say the least. This story takes some time to develop, certain things don't really make much sense along the way, and towards the end you have to wonder why Deloach just doesn't sock one to Dori's group leader. (She's a really nasty character.) The movie drags in certain places and, frankly, it isn't very entertaining. CATV
Tiptoes (R)
Yeah... I know... There's a sucker born every minute but when Kate Beckinsale is the closest thing I have to mistress, what's a boy to do? I only thought Gigli was bad. Gigli just happened to be a national release. This flick would have been better off remaining in distribution limbo forever. I have no idea what Beckinsale, Oldman, and McConaughey were thinking when they inked on for this hunk of junk. Granted, it portrays little people (aka Dwarfs, not midgets) in a regular vein and I guess that's noble, but I just really can't think of much to say good about that movie. Maybe I'll rip it apart in a review some day. Right now, I just want to forget I ever saw it... Except for the fake tattoo on Beckinsale's back. I'm just flabbergasted. Every brilliantly acted scene was ruined by the director, by the props, or by... Something. McConaughey had at least three scenes that were as good, if not better, than anything I've ever seen him do but the scenes are overshadowed by little quirks... Gremlins if you will. There's one scene in particular, after the birth of the child and they discover that he is indeed a dwarf, McConaughey and Beckinsale put on a powerful show--they just blew me away with their talent. But... BUT!!! She's sitting here holding this THING that looks nothing like a baby. And it's stuff like that throughout the film. How bad is it? Tiptoes is a real stinker. And this is coming from a guy who adores Beckinsale, thinks Texan coolness begins and ends with McConaughey, and believes Oldman is a brilliant actor. Oldman, McConaughey, and Beckinsale give it their very best and that's about the only thing laudable about the whole flick. I'll give it a CATV rating, but only recommend if you have crush on McConaughey or Beckinsale. Otherwise, FORGEDABOUDIT!
The Untouchables (R)
Number 10 on the Bull Durham All-Time list is The Untouchables, Brian De Palma's rendering of the battle between Al Capone and Elliot Ness and his small band of Untouchables. Every performance in this film is top-notch, including Connery's and Costner's very best to date. You have to see this film in widescreen format and if you haven't, then buying this DVD just might be a great idea. HOT DATE
When Will I Be Loved (R)
An erotic vignette masquerading as a feature film, When Will I Be Loved isn't even titled correctly. When Will Something Happen? Or, better still, When Will I Have Intercourse. This movie is short on plot and substance so its overly artistic presentation comes across as pretentious nonsense. Only Neve Campbell's acting stands apart, but not even that can overshadow the fact that she appears nude in the film, which seems to be about the only reason some folks could excuse watching this train-wreck on film. FORGEDABOUDIT!
Aside from some mildly amusing moments from Topher Grace and a surprisingly sexy supporting role by Marcia Gay Harden, there's just nothing really special here. Laura Linney plays a middle aged college dean who stumbles across a student who reminds her of an old flame. CATV
The Prince and Me (PG)
This horrible film is back to terrorize us again. If not for her five minute appreances in the last two Bourne films, I wouldn't even know Stiles could act. Her choice of roles lacks something to be desired and this awful flick drags on and on and on until you really don't want her to be with that idiotic prince anymore. The film would have been more aptly titled, The Dullard and Me. FORGEDABOUDIT!
Raising Helen (PG-13)
Cute is as cute does. Kate Hudson's comedic chops can't help but remind us of her mother's (Goldie Hawn) turn on Rowan and Martin's Laugh In. Hudson also possesses the same depth and breadth that help Hawn's career span decades. Garry Marshall, the director, makes the most of the material here by spinning a palpable tale into a something mildly endearing. The fact that this simplistic movie amuses is a testament to Marshall's innate ability both as a storyteller and comedian. While Raising Helen remains predictable throughout, Hudson and the kids (Spencer & Abigail Breslin and Hayden Panettiere) keep us entertained. The end result was more delightful than I anticipated but still short of something original. RENTAL
Shark Tale (PG)
This film offers much in the way of laughs for the avid moviegoer. Not only does it spoof mobster movies and Titanic, it poke targets its own actors as well and their previous films, including Ali and Jerry Maguire. Martin Scorsese is brilliant in a film type-cast right down the line to Angelina Jolie as the bad girl. This one is just a whole lot of fun. MATINEE
The Shawshank Redemption (R)
Number 53 on Bull Durham's All-Time list is this film based on a Stephen King short story. This drama is genuinely heartfelt and moving. It delivers a message of hope. Everything came together in this film to make it something very special... worth watching over and over and over again. HOT DATE
Stateside (R)
Mark Deloach (Jonathan Tucker) lived a charmed life of privilege until he seriously injured a priest and a friend driving while intoxicated. Deloach was shipped off by his father (Joe Mantegna) to join the Marines in an attempt to avoid prosecution where his drill sergeant (Val Kilmer) desperately tries to weed him out. Meanwhile, the incident has brought out all sorts of issues for his toothless friend Sue(Agnes Bruckner). She soon finds herself in a psychiatric hospital with a schizophrenic roommate named Dori Lawrence (Rachael Leigh Cook), a musician and actress of some note. She quickly falls in love with the Marine but between her mental illness and his pending deployment overseas, their love appears star-crossed to say the least. This story takes some time to develop, certain things don't really make much sense along the way, and towards the end you have to wonder why Deloach just doesn't sock one to Dori's group leader. (She's a really nasty character.) The movie drags in certain places and, frankly, it isn't very entertaining. CATV
Tiptoes (R)
Yeah... I know... There's a sucker born every minute but when Kate Beckinsale is the closest thing I have to mistress, what's a boy to do? I only thought Gigli was bad. Gigli just happened to be a national release. This flick would have been better off remaining in distribution limbo forever. I have no idea what Beckinsale, Oldman, and McConaughey were thinking when they inked on for this hunk of junk. Granted, it portrays little people (aka Dwarfs, not midgets) in a regular vein and I guess that's noble, but I just really can't think of much to say good about that movie. Maybe I'll rip it apart in a review some day. Right now, I just want to forget I ever saw it... Except for the fake tattoo on Beckinsale's back. I'm just flabbergasted. Every brilliantly acted scene was ruined by the director, by the props, or by... Something. McConaughey had at least three scenes that were as good, if not better, than anything I've ever seen him do but the scenes are overshadowed by little quirks... Gremlins if you will. There's one scene in particular, after the birth of the child and they discover that he is indeed a dwarf, McConaughey and Beckinsale put on a powerful show--they just blew me away with their talent. But... BUT!!! She's sitting here holding this THING that looks nothing like a baby. And it's stuff like that throughout the film. How bad is it? Tiptoes is a real stinker. And this is coming from a guy who adores Beckinsale, thinks Texan coolness begins and ends with McConaughey, and believes Oldman is a brilliant actor. Oldman, McConaughey, and Beckinsale give it their very best and that's about the only thing laudable about the whole flick. I'll give it a CATV rating, but only recommend if you have crush on McConaughey or Beckinsale. Otherwise, FORGEDABOUDIT!
The Untouchables (R)
Number 10 on the Bull Durham All-Time list is The Untouchables, Brian De Palma's rendering of the battle between Al Capone and Elliot Ness and his small band of Untouchables. Every performance in this film is top-notch, including Connery's and Costner's very best to date. You have to see this film in widescreen format and if you haven't, then buying this DVD just might be a great idea. HOT DATE
When Will I Be Loved (R)
An erotic vignette masquerading as a feature film, When Will I Be Loved isn't even titled correctly. When Will Something Happen? Or, better still, When Will I Have Intercourse. This movie is short on plot and substance so its overly artistic presentation comes across as pretentious nonsense. Only Neve Campbell's acting stands apart, but not even that can overshadow the fact that she appears nude in the film, which seems to be about the only reason some folks could excuse watching this train-wreck on film. FORGEDABOUDIT!
Young Adam (NC-17)
Sexually charged and driven movie about a morally reprehensible guy. The movie unfolds the only way it could to give the story any shot at an element of surprise and I guess the plot twist that this guy is just a first-class jerk. The entire thing kinda defies the notion of what story is supposed to be. Robert McKee's not gonna be happy with this one. I hope it wasn't penned by one of his students. Yikes. Who cares if the performances are good? I didn't care for the story or the characters. FORGEDABOUDIT!
1 Comments:
to AVP: I too was angry at the PG-13 movie rating, but found the visual effects eye pleasing, and the movie is worth watching just to see HOW they tied these two creatures to each other.
Dawn of the Dead: Agreed, but you have to love the celebrity look-a-like sniping game. Just some trivia, did you know the makers of Shaun of the Dead have a brief cameo in Land of the Dead ?
Girl Next Door: Disturbingly, the entire movie, I sat there thinking, "who's idea was it to remake risky business?"
Shawshank: f*cking -A-
Day After Tomorrow had the same redeeming qualities as Sky Captain for me. Because I work with graphics design, video editing, 3D modeling, etc... (two friends and I made a light saber battle my 3rd semester), I will watch anything that supposedly has amazing visuals. The destruction of LA had some amazing work in it, as did Sky Captain. Overall stories for both were lacking a bit though. I actually found The Core more interesting than Day After Tomorow.
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