Hot off the Wire

Some news fit to reprint... and some that's not.

MGM is still keeping Bond to themselves.

Michael Moore just makes up whatever he wants. The interesting thing about this article is that it has not been picked up by most Associated Press outlets. I had to go directly to the source in order to find it at all. To alter the truth is unpardonable amongst journalist so why aren't they lining up to attack Moore?

One country that isn't picking on Moore is Cuba. In fact, they've invited his flick right into prime time. But I guess that's okay since he sang "God Bless America" on Jay Leno.
Ewan McGregor hasn't been working for the past few months and here's why. Do you even recognize the guy on the left? This is EZ Revenge of the Sith Rider. That's Obi Wan Kenobi! I don't think Obi Wan would have ever lost to Darth Vadar if he hadn't been smokin' the reefer. Am I right?

Ben Affleck waxed political in a delicate way with Bill O'Reily the same night Moore got his booty whipped on O'Reily's show. (Click on "O'Reily vs. Moore" on the right hand column for the interview.)

Derek Luke (Antwone Fisher and Spartan) is joining up with the Texas Western flick. Look for him in my hometown non-favorite coming to a theatre near you--Friday Night Lights. He'll be playing Boobie.

Speaking of Friday Night Lights, Billy Bob Thorton has a new gig. Of course, Billy Bob will be playing one of my favorite people on earth in FNL, Gary Gaines. Gaines gave me a bit of encouragement the summer before my junior year of high school that I've never forgotten. In fact it carried me through a miserable junior season right into my senior year of football. That's when Gaines beat out Ken Herring by one school board vote to become Permian's head coach. Herring wound up coaching me at Fort Stockton my senior year of high school. The story of FNL takes place the year after I graduated from High School. Here's the trailer for this film: FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS and it is set for an October 15th release.

I can't wait for that flick. This will mark the first time I've actually known people that are portrayed on film. I'm sure Billy Bob has done Gaines justice and I know Luke will do a good job with Boobie. More on all this as the movie nears release.

Went to see The Village today. Review to follow!

A Little Prognostication

Look for The Village to edge out The Manchurian Candidate this weekend at the box office. 
 
The Bourne Supremacy will probably drop to third. 
 
Harold and Kumar will crack the top five.

What is the Sith?

  Ever wonder about the Sith?  Click here to find out a history of this mysterious group.

Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (R)

Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (R)
By M. Chad Durham

My college baseball coach used to always say, “Let’s start with the negative and work towards the positive,” after a loss. For this film, let’s try the opposite approach.

There are three things I find noble and refreshing about this film. First, its leading characters are two minorities often overlooked by Hollywood. Second, it does not reduce these characters to mere caricatures. Third, it shamelessly plugs White Castle and those tasty little burgers, which I confess I’ve never had the opportunity to try but my, oh my do they look good. Or maybe I’m just on a diet?

For all its liberal glitz, glamour, pomp, and meaningless rhetoric, Hollywood continues to portray minorities in stereotypical ways, seldom affording decent opportunities to Orientals and Eastern Indians in particular. They are often relegated to second tier bit parts to whites, African-Americans, and Hispanics. (Even African-American films frequently stereotype Orientals and East-Indians.) Hollywood is lagging way behind in its treatment of these “other” minorities. The marketing campaign for “Harold and Kumar” even carried a racist tagline, proudly proclaiming, “That Oriental guy from American Pie and that Indian guy from Van Wilder.”

To be fair, we are talking about John Cho and Kal Penn respectively and together they are an interesting comic duo. They play off of one another well and aren’t afraid to look foolish in the process. They are the latest in a long line of “stoner” characters to surface in American pop-culture. Only time will tell if this duo can join the ranks of Cheech and Chong, Jay and Silent Bob, Bevis and Butthead, Shaggy and Scooby. Loveable slacking stoners are a dime a dozen. Do we really have more room in our hearts for Harold and Kumar?
While there are a couple of sequences that border on comic genius, most scenes resort to classic stoner-flick clichés. I find it all so ironic—the characters aren’t clichéd but the writers are so desperate for a story they tell us one that is totally clichéd. We’ve seen all this stuff before and it has been done better: by Cheech and Chong, by Kevin Smith and his pal Jay, and even Shaggy sans bong. Every time the script runs into trouble, the writers reach into their bag for yet another joke about latent homosexuality.
Harold and Kumar, a couple of frustrated young professionals still clinging to their college days, spend their pathetic existence getting high every weekend. In an ultra thin plot, Harold is having problems at work and even more problems summoning the courage to talk to the girl of his dreams; meanwhile Kumar is trying to keep his father’s financial support and somehow avoid going to medical school. They truly are just two every-day guys trying to deal with the disillusionment they feel in life. Cho and Penn are affable and the quest for White Castle burgers is one many can relate to, but I doubt they will ever achieve the same status of the aforementioned legends. But, I could be wrong. Maybe America is ready for yet another dynamic stoner duo.

I’m going to give Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle a RENTAL rating. It is a mediocre film in every way. Part of me was really pulling for it to be better, but alas, a feeble story stood in their way.

Bond Transactions

More news on the James Bond front. MGM has quickly ditched plans for Berry's spin-off. [Editors note: Old news! Sorry! Thanks to Gaylan for pointit it out.] I guess she got jinxed! That's what they get for stealing the name I used for the lead character in my very first screenply almost five years ago! Sorry, I'm very bitter about the entire episode. Watching the last Bond movie, it was like they'd ripped several pages right out of my script! (Only, my Jynx has a "Y"). Oh, well... I don't really care so long as people don't think I copied the name from Bond so I want to make it clear--I came up with the name first!

Britney might become a Bond girl.

And here's one more article that goes into greater detail.

Waiting on Deck

The Manchurian Candidate (R) promises political intrigue and Denzel Washington and Liev Schreiber and Meryl Streep, but can it promise to top the original?  It remains to be seen.  The performance of Angela Lansbury and the plot twists in its predecessor cannot be duplicated, not matter how hard they've tried.
The Village (PG-13).  Is it a horror film?  Is it suspense?  Is it about a devil worshipping Satanic cult?  Or, is it the story of two guys infatuated with a blind girl?  I can't wait to find out!  This one is my pick for the weekend and I'll have a review for you next week!
 Thunderbirds (PG)  Even with Bill Paxton attached to this project, it is still no Spy Kids and there is no way live action can top those puppets!

Late Inning Substitution?

Is Pierce Brosnan looking for more money or is he really out of the game?
 
Who should be the next James Bond?  Make sure you vote in this week's poll!

Cue the Theme!

 

DVD Rundown

New to DVD today...

Hellboy (PG-13) w/Ron Perlman, David Hyde Pierce, Selma Blair, and John Hurt.  Directed by Guillermo Del Toro based on the Dark Horse comic book.
 The Whole Ten Yards (PG-13) sequel to The Whole Nine Yards w/Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry, Natasha Henstridge, Amanda Peet, and Kevin Pollak.  Directed by Howard Deutch. 
 Ned Kelly (R) w/Heath Ledger, Orlando Bloom, Rachel Griffiths, Geoffrey Rush, and Naomi Watts.  Directed by Gregor Jordan.

I have yet to see any of these new releases.  Critics panned The Whole Ten Yards right out of the gate as well as Ned Kelly, which never saw much box office play here in the U.S. anyway.

Sure bet here is that Hellboy will be the best seller for the week, but I'm sure to see The Whole Ten Yards since I own The Whole Nine Yards.  This means I'll be paying out The Whole Nineteen Yards! 

I, Robot (PG-13)

I, Robot (PG-13)

In the not so distance future, when Lake Michigan is all dried up, Will Smith will once again save planet Earth from our worst nightmare—killer robots. Mr. July makes his presence felt once again in the sci-fi adventure, I, Robot. As Detective Del Spooner, Smith wisecracks and struts his way towards mankind’s salvation with his singular arrogant but endearing charm. Smith now ranks second, right behind Bruce Willis, on the all-time list of world-saving efforts nudging just ahead of Ben Affleck. What a career!

All kidding aside, the benchmarks of a quality science fiction story are allegory, symbolism, and irony. With Isaac Asimov as the father of its premise, I, Robot could do no better and fundamentally the writers (Jeff Vintar and Akiva Goldsman) have crafted a screenplay that is replete with the living irony of our PC world; a world paralyzed by political correctness that happens to run by personal computers; beyond that I, Robot is merely standard summer-time blockbuster flair.
Detective Spooner is a minority who happens to be prejudiced against the newest of minorities—robots. His fear of modern technology is so great, his home stereo is still controlled with an antiquated, infrared remote control rather than voice activated technology. Smith climbs darkly into the part, cloaking himself as he has rarely done in the past. His wit remains, but he is more subdued, perhaps even somber. His quips fire quickly, but the rest of his delivery is more deliberate. This is Will Smith with some minor alterations. Whether or not the audience accepts it remains to be seen.

There are three laws that govern all robots.

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey orders given by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the first law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the first or second law.

These three laws supposedly provide a perfect circle of protection for human beings, but like so many “protections” in this world these three laws merely provide the illusion of safety and the plot completely hinges on them and that’s not too shabby a premise. However, this movie constantly drifts in and out of greatness.

Bridget Moynahan adds some good looks as Dr. Susan Calvin, but Vintar and Goldsman miss the mark here as well, never allowing her character to become the plot twist she ought to have been.
Moynahan isn’t the only thing pleasing to the eye about I, Robot. The entire film is CGI-candy dipped in acid. Director Alex Provas (shown above with Smith) draws heavily from the new Matrix-style of filmmaking, proving once more what a significant film The Matrix really was. By now, Provas and his team are neither stealing nor lending tribute (although there are a couple of playful nods as were found in Underworld and other recent films); this is how we will watch movies, special effects laden films in particular, from now on. The robots are seamlessly interwoven with all the players making this film a whole lot of fun to watch.

Overall I give I, Robot a mediocre rating—RENTAL. It’s one of Smith’s better roles and the effects or good, but the story just came up a little short for me and they failed to give Moynahan and her part the significance warranted by the story-line.

This copyrighted article has also been published in Grace-Centered Magazine - A daily publication for Christians that examines tradition and aspects of living the Christian life.

A 5-4-3 Double Play

The Manchurian Candidate gets picked off first in today's Double Play for turning up the PR heat over the weekend.
 After many years in development Hades, this flick finally arrives just in time for a presidential election.  ET has a whole bunch of fun stuff ready in anticipation of its release this Friday, July 30th. 
 Take a look at this still!  Now go take a look at the trailer!  You tell me who Streep is mimicking!
 
Cameron Crowe, Orlando Bloom, and Kirsten Dunst are in Kentucky working on their next project Elizabethtown. 

Ben Affleck is apparently going Nowhere.
 Brittany Murphy and Julliane Nicholson (shown here in this publicity still) are tearing up boyfriend Ron Livingston's Little Black Book, but even the stars still get a little star-struck.

Old Ken still has a September date Jeopardy! after cleaning up last Friday.
 
And finally, here's a USA TODAY story about Comic-cons and their increased significance.
 

And that's a 5-4-3 Double Play!

Weekend Sweep

Hate to say I told ya' so, but... I told ya' so.

The Bourne Supremacy took the gold over the weekend.  Catwoman had such a poor showing, she couldn't even claw her way past I, Robot.
 
Hope you liked the review for The Bourne Supremacy.  I'll post one for I, Robot later on today and I got a sneak peak at Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.  I'll have that review for you in time for the weekend.
 
Try not to have a bad case of the Monday's!

The Bourne Supremacy (PG-13)

 The Bourne Supremacy (PG-13)
 
“They should have left him alone,” but aren’t we so glad they didn’t? 

Matt Damon returns as Jason Bourne, or so he thinks, in The Bourne Supremacy, the second big screen adaptation of the classic espionage intrigue novels penned by Robert Ludlum.  When last we left Bourne, he and gal-pal Marie (Franka Potente) were fashioning a quiet life for themselves on an obscure beach far away from the all-seeing eyes of the CIA, Project Treadstone had been cancelled by Ward Abbott (Brian Cox), and it looked as though Bourne would be able to quietly spend his remaining days in love’s sweet embrace.
 For most movie fans, the inciting incident shouldn’t be too hard to call.  You probably surmised it from the trailer.  Obviously something has to happen to set Bourne off and as heartbreaking as that event might seem it introduces the audience to a whole new dimension of this wonderful character called Jason Bourne.  
 Matt Damon handles Bourne with a masterful perfection few actors ever achieve in an action role.  It is hard to believe Damon has become an action start, but in hindsight it makes perfect sense.  After all, a real spy and/or assassin would have to blend into society, possess the charisma to manipulate people as well as situations and locations with ease, and vanish without a trace.  Damon is just tall enough, just short enough, just good looking enough, and just average-looking enough to fit the bill.  At this point it is hard to imagine any one else in this role.  His brooding tenacity makes for a powerful onscreen presence.  In all actuality, he's the kind of action hero we've always wanted.
 Joan Allen steps into “Supremacy” as Pamela Landy, a multi-dimensional adversary in her own right.   Ostensibly she's an ambitious, career-driven woman working her way up the CIA echelon of power and control.  When Bourne’s fingerprint turns up at a murder scene, Landy quickly maneuvers for position, taking her newly acquired security clearance as license to turn Treadstone inside out.  She leaves no stone unturned, kicking Abbott and Nicky (Julia Stiles) right out from under their respective rocks, but there is much more to her character than blind ambition and Allen’s performance is exemplary.
 Cox reprises his role with veteran-like tenacityand Julia Stiles certainly took things up a notch for this film.  She has one scene in particular that is way ahead of anything in her career thus far. 
 All these actors owe their performances, at least in part, to Tony Gilroy and his skillful adaptation of Ludlum’s story.  No doubt the intricate plot will leave some scratching their heads, but hardcore movie fans can appreciate its complexity.  Supremacy doesn’t dumb itself down for a teenage audience in spite of the PG-13 rating and I find that most refreshing.

Director Paul Greengrass sets a frantic and furious pace, maintaining the intensity and suspense throughout the course of the film.    Richard Pearson and Christopher Rouse flawless chopped this film, especially one extraordinary fight sequence in which Bourne takes on the last remaining Treadstone assassin.  Their effort makes Damon look like a true expert in hand-to-hand combat.

For the intellectual moviegoer, The Bourne Series works because it never compromises by exchanging plot for cheap thrills or character for cliché the way so many action flicks do these days.   For that, The Bourne Supremacy garners my highest rating--HOT DATE.

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Star Wars Episode III now has a title.

More Fahrenheit 9/11 Brouhaha

The best thing about Fahrenheit 9/11 is that I've actually learned how to spell Fahrenheit.  The second best thing about it is that Moore was finally able to spell 9/11.  Here are some interesting tidbits about this film from around the globe.

• Moore's little flick has done very little to sway voters.
• In countries that were formerly part of the communist block, Fahrenheit 9/11 is perceived as propaganda and Michael Moore has been compared to Nazi filmmaker Leni Riefenstahl.  I don't know much, but I know that wasn't meant to be a compliment.
• Fahrenheit 9/11 has overshadowed at least one documentary that should have been given its props.
• Even French film critics realize the victory in Cannes is a complete joke.  (You have to read the whole article to see what I mean.)

Conclusion: If Moore's intent was to swing an election his way, he has utterly failed.  Experts in propaganda know propaganda when they see it.  Fahrenheit 9/11 will probably win an Oscar for Best Documentary when there are clearly better documentaries out there.  And finally, its critical merits are a complete and utter joke.  To further that last claim, see what a staunch Democrat had to say about it here.

I'm pretty non-political.  I've just found all this information interesting and felt like sharing it with you.

Hope everybody is having a great weekend!

BALK!!!! A Few Words on Theatre Etiquette

Back now from watching The Bourne Supremacy.   A review will soon follow, but I had such a horrible experience I just had to get this out of my system.

People! Do we not know how to act in a movie theatre?  Since when did movies come with play-by-play announcers?  What possesses you morons (and you know who you are) to constantly disrupt the movie with your superfluous musings?  Do you realize how stupid your commentary makes you sound?  Do you not see that you are annoying everybody in your presence?  Has the advent of the home theatre caused to forget that others people are watching with you at a movie theatre?

Let me explain where I'm coming from.  A here while back, when the wife and I went to see The Alamo, my wife was stuck sitting in front of a lady who talked throughout the entire movie.  Her comments ranged from the very profound, "Ooh! That's Billy Bob Thorton," to the vital, "Oh, he's Davey Crockett! He's gonna die."  Without this woman's running play-by-play, my wife the TEXAS HISTORY TEACHER would have just been so Dazed and Confused.   Thanks so much for you help.   Why didn't you just come right out and give away the ending by saying, "The Mexicans Win!"

This afternoon the problem wasn't just one lady... it was an entire chorus of ladies, all seated in the very center of the auditorium.  When Julia Stiles finally appeared this quintet sang out in perfect harmony, "There she is!"  What?  Like we didn't read the credits or see the trailer? Like I'm blind and need somebody to interpret pictures for me?  And everything predictable about The Bourne Supremacy seemed to come as a total surprise to them.  "Oh, my!  They shot the girl!" Please!  The girl is question was so dead her name might as well have been Goose and the movie called Top Gun.

What are these people thinking?  Are they so selfish, self-absorbed, and self-centered they don't realize they are causing disturbances?  The play-by-play became more than I could bear during the most anticipated scene, a scene in which Bourne fights the only other remaining Treadstone assassin.  The chorus of "ooh's and ah's and ow's and ouches" were just too much of a distraction.  We got up and moved to the back to the theatre.   Shortly thereafter, another couple just left the movie altogether and demanded their money back.

Still, not a single representative of the theatre came in to escort these troublemakers out.  Actually, they didn't even send somebody in to ask them to stop their rude behavior.   Since when did theatres just quit caring about their customer's movie going experience?   The name of the theatre in question is CENTURY 12 in Odessa, TX.   I repeat, the management of the CENTURY 12 theatres stood idly by and did nothing to stop these women from ruining the movie-going experience for everybody else.   One more time and for the record I was at the CENTURY 12 THEATRE in ODESSA, TX, for the 2:50 showing of The Bourne Supremacy on Friday, July 23, 2004.   

Folks please remember even at a matinee showing, it costs at least ten dollars for a couple to watch a film.  Add to that the enormous costs of a popcorn and coke and your talking well in excess of 20 bucks and to be honest with you folks, if I wanted to here Al frigin' Michaels I'd watch Miracle.  I have no need or desire to hear your asinine comments and foolish ruminations.  Let me let you in on a little secret--you don't know anything about movies.  In fact, everybody in the theatre probably knows more than you so keep it to yourself.  The mere fact that you blurt out this stupid nonsense demonstrates your complete ignorance and your complete disregard for other people.

Ah!  I feel much better now!

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

According to this article, movies can change our hormone levels.

But the scarey thing about all of this is the fact that people were actually forced to sit through The Bridges of Madison County (#22 on Bull Durham's All Time Worst List).  I call that cruel and unusual punishment, not scientific

Maybe the increased progesterone levels were due to the fact that folks were forced to endure such an awful film!  

 At least they were kind enough to let the guys watch The Godfather Part II.  (#5 on Bull Durham's Top-100.)  I feel the testosterone kicking in already. 

Today's Starting Lineup

Leading off... it should be noted that $94 million is not a lot of money in Hollywood nor does it reflect any kind of numerical significance.  Most summer-time flicks have to break $100 million just to break even.  Michael Moore's  box office take on Fahrenheit 9/11 might be setting records for a documentary, but the figures are hardly reflective in terms of political gains and losses.  Heck, Spider-man 2 and Shrek 2 will gross over 400 million domestically and most people in the United States still haven't seen the film. 

Second... Moore loves to play his "persecution card", but talk about getting banned!  I seriously doubt Moore's trifle of a film has been banned anywhere.  In fact, most countries can't wait to show it.  On the other hand, Mel Gibson's Passion is hard-pressed to get airplay in the Holy Land.  Imagine that. 

In the three hole... Meryl Streep claims her upcoming role in the remake of The Manchurian Candidate was not based on Hillary Clinton.  Please!  She tried to take it a step further by saying the character is based on someone that nobody has identified yet.  Now, Streep might be a lot of things but a bad actress she is not and the only way we wouldn't be able to identify her role model would be if she was a bad actress. 

Batting cleanup will be Bryan Singer.  Not only does he have his hit X-Men trilogy weighing in the balance, now he's landed the gig to direct Superman.   

In the five-spot... Freddie Prinze, Jr. will be teaming up with Val Kilmer to do a mobster movie... in Pittsburgh of all places.  I guess it is the home of the Stealers (sic) after all!

Batting sixth... The Passion goes at it again over in Malaysia.

In the seventh slot... The Butterfly Effect outsold all home video competitors for the second week in the row.

Batting in the eight-hole... White Castle looks forward to a date with Harold and Kumar.

And batting last... the WWE is making a movie.  Isn't that one of the seven signs of the apocalypse? 

Standing on Deck

 Matt Damon returns as Jason Bourne this Friday in The Bourne Supremacy.  The Bourne Identitiy (Bull Durham's Take: MATINEE) was a highly successful effort for Damon and he will be joined once again by Franka Potente, Brian Cox, and Julia Stiles.  Joan Allen will be Bourne's nemesis this go around.  Anticipation is high for Bull Durham on this one!  Directed by Paul Greengrass, this sequel promises to fair just as well with solid early reviews and an intriguing trailer.   Even with Catwoman waiting in the wings, Damon and crew should fair well.

Catwoman claws her way to title billing July 23rd as well thanks to Oscar winner Halle Berry.    Benjamin Bratt and Sharon Stone round out the cast for Pitof's directorial debut.  Again, Bull Durham's anticipation level is HIGH! 
 
Bringing us to the ultimate question--which flick is going to take box office gold this weekend.  The novelty of Catwoman presents a formidable challenge to Bourne's sequel clout.  Sufficient to say this weekend will be a split decision across America and hanging Chad's aside, it will be a close one.  I'll go with my sentimental favorite--Bourne will take Catwoman down but it will be ugly.  Have you ever survived an attack by a cat?  I have.  It's not a pretty picture.

A Busy Offseason: 24

 
Jack’s Back!  I don’t comment on television often but I’ve seen every episode of 24 since it debuted three seasons ago.  Kiefer Sutherland’s return comes as no surprise.  It’s his show.  Jack is its hero and Sutherland is 24’s driving force.  What does come as a surprise is the fact that nobody else will be returning. 
 This means two of my favorite characters won’t be coming back.  Carlos Bernard managed to survive 72 hours as Tony. 
 Michelle showed up 24 hours later, but Reiko Ainsworth certainly made the show a whole lot prettier.  Dennis Haysbert made a great president but obviously President Palmer is going to lose his bid for reelection. 
 In the world of 24 nobody is sacred except for Jack.  At the end of season one, his wife takes a bullet from Nina (pictured above) and dies.  The second season came and went without much brouhaha, but in the third, Penny Johnson Gerald and Sarah Clarke, two the greatest villainesses in television history, were canceled permanently from the show when their characters (Sherry Palmer and Nina Myers respectively) were executed.  
In some ways I’m glad to hear the series will be changing the beat.  Kim Bauer has to be the dumbest blonde ever to walk the planet.  That’s no reflection on the acting abilities of Elisha Cuthbert, just a comment on the plight of her character.  Every attempt to keep her involved after season one seemed strained at best, although it could be argued that Kim gave Jack his only measure of humanity.  The only problem is that the writers couldn't find something worthwhile for Kim to do.  Regardless, things are set to be shaken and not stirred on the set of 24 this season.
But isn't Jack all we need? (Nice jacket, huh?)  I mean... he has saved the world thrice already, right?  I guess we'll find out if Jack really is all we need in season four. 

DVD Rundown

Here are the new releases hitting shelves today:
 

• The Big Bounce (PG-13) w/Owen Wilson, Morgan Freeman, Gary Sinise, and Sarah Foster
• Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights (PG-13) w/Ramola Garai, Diego Luna, Mika Boorem,  and a cameo by Patrick Swayze.  (As if that would how make the film more viable!)
• The Human Stain (R) w/Anthony Hopkins, Nicole Kidman, Ed Harris, and Gary Sinise
•  Starsky and Hutch (PG-13) w/Owen Wilson, Ben Stiller, Snoop Dog, and Vince Vaughn
• Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (PG) w/Lindsey Lohan, Adam Garcia, and Glenne Headly
  

Of these, I have only seen Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen and it is so awful it made my all time worst list.   Such is the peril of having a precocious daughter.  It's a solid FORGEDABOUDIT!   

The Dirty Dancing flick sounds about as inviting as having bamboo splinters shoved under my fingernails or walking barefoot over shards of glass. 

The jury is out on the other three for now and it seems to be big week for Lieutenant Dan's alter ego as Gary Sinise has two flicks making it to home video. 

A 5-4-3 Double Play

I hate to say I told ya' so, but... I told ya' so. 
 
Mr. July himself, Will Smith, took down Spidey 2 over the weekend with a $52.3 million dollar take at the box office.   Tobey and his crew managed to hang on to second place followed by A Cinderella Story in third.  Hillary Duff's latest teen chick-flick had a strong weekend considering the competition.   This is the fourth 50 million plus July stranglehold for Smith.  His other chart-toppers included Independence Day, Men in Black, and Men in Black II. 
 

Speaking of MI's, MI3 is looking for a director to take the helm after Joe Carnahan dropped out.
 
On a slow news weekend, a few dozen Republicans went to watch Fahrenheit 9/11 for free.  Didn't they know they could just download it off the Internet?
 

And that's a 5-4-3 double play!

The 10-Run Rule: America's Heart and Soul

There's something in baseball called the 10-Run rule.  Essentially it is a mercy rule designed to get off the field before a complete disaster ensues.  The pros don't use it but in high school and college it came into the play quite frequently.  My senior year of high school our team went 0-21.  That's right!  We didn't win a single game and most of the games were complete blowouts brought to a merciful conclusion by the blessed 10-run rule. 
 Why can't the movies have something like that?  When Louis Schwartzberg began shooting his documentary five years ago, Michael Moore hadn't even heard of George W. Bush.  He was still safely tucked away down here in Texas.  When Disney set the release date for Schwartzberg's film and agreed to put in 98 theatres nationwide, Moore hadn't even finished Fahrenheit 9/11.   When Moore's politically driven documentary hit theatres it completely crushed Schwartzberg's non-political agenda.  And, adding insult to injury, Moore attacked Disney and by extension America's Heart and Soul, and the media quickly labeled it as the conservative alternative to 9/11, which doesn't seem to be the case at all.   Though I have yet to see either film it is not too difficult to see what's going on here.    
 If anything, America's Heart and Soul promises optimism, an optimism never present in any Michael Moore film.  (Let's face it, Moore is a pessimist, all his films thrive on pessimism, and historically that's why I have loved his films.)  
 
Optimism is the opposite of pessimism, but optimism is not the antonym of liberalism... or conservatism... or whatever "ism" folks cling to in their beliefs.  Optimism is not a political point of view, it is a point of view about living.  It is a distinct way of approaching life and living it to its fullest.
 
To politicize America's Heart and Soul renders a huge disservice taking away from what its director intended.  But lets be honest here--pessimism sells and that's probably why Fahrenheit 9/11 is running America's Heart and Soul right out of the game.  "If it bleeds it leads," is the mantra of every news organization from coast to coast and you can bet people are more interested in watching dirt than they are about seeing something spiritually uplifting. If people were altogether intested about being built up spiritually, I'd be preaching to packed house every Sunday.  But I'm not.  And America's not really into reality unless it's a little dirty.  (How else do you explain the success of The Simple Life?)   
 
Personally, I can't wait to get a look at America's Heart and Soul because it promises to be a beautiful film, pleasing to the eye and good for the soul.  Why don't we just put the mercy rule into effect and realize that Moore's flick and Schwartzberg's film have nothing to do with one another?  Maybe that way both films can stand on their own merit. And then maybe America's Heart and Soul could finally make it a theatre near me. 

The Hidden Ball Trick: Shyamalan's Secret Village

In the "spirit" of The Blair Witch Project, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,  and other infamous movie hoaxes designed to boost box office draw, the Sci-Fi Channel admitted that it lied about a documentary set to air on their network tomorrow (Sunday, July 18th). 
M. Night Shyamalan, shown here in this AP photo, has often been compared to the late great Alfred Hitchcock and these stories (the film and the scam) sound Hitchcokian to the extreme.  No doubt Shyamalan is a master of suspense, two of his films crack Bull Durham's top-100; The Sixth Sense and Signs.  
 The Village is set thrill and chill a theatre near you on July 30th. 
 
Meanwhile the entire episode strikes me as odd. I guess it has become a big deal because other entities were fished-in by the gag, namely the main stream media including the AP.  The Village doesn't really need any extra PR because next to the Spider-man sequel it seems to have the biggest buzz of any movie this summer. Go figure? I guess this stunt just goes to prove that there's no such thing as bad publicity. 

Worth Another Look: The Ring (PG-13) and Ringu (NR)

When was the last time you’ve really been scared?  For me it was when I neared the end of the Japanese import Ringu.  Ringu was such a sensation in Japan it spawned three sequels in its native land, one in Korea, and an American remake entitled The Ring starring Naomi Watts.  Both are currently available on DVD will quickly dispatch you to the fetal position in all due haste.  

 Ringu scared me so much I’ve decided I need to destroy what few videotapes remain in my home.  Why take any chances?  And I’m seriously contemplating selling other household items as well.  I’ve also noticed little idiosyncrasies developing in my behavior, like making sure everything is turned off, locked, and that my child safe in her little tiny bed—checking each about a dozen times an hour.  The fright-factor in this film will linger with you for… well, I’d have to say at least “seven days”… or a week... depending.  

The plot is much akin to something of urban legend—there’s this tape, you see, and if you watch it the phone rings, and like, one week later... you die!  Nothing really special there, but it is the execution of the story that will send you diving for the arms of your beloved.  I’m not even going to try tell you who stared in this or directed it or anything else because lets face it, even if I somehow managed to spell them correctly you wouldn’t be able to pronounce the names.  
 
 On the American side we have The Ring with the aforementioned Watts, Martin Henderson, Brian Cox, Shannon Cochran, and Lindsay Frost.  Directed by Gore Verbinski, this movie is almost a frame-by-frame, word-for-word remake of the Japanese original (not at all unlike the electronics you’ll use to watch the movie).  One minor deviation from Ringu is that when the phone rings a little girl’s voice informs you that you have seven days to live.  Big difference, huh?  More later.  The web site is scary enough.  This movie deals out psychological punishment faster than a crooked dealer tossing cards in a saloon.  
 
So which should you watch?  Good question.  Let’s start from the standpoint of decency.  Neither film contains any gore, which goes to prove you can scare people to death without hacking-up bodies.  The Ring does have some images that are decidedly gross whereas Ringu does not.  In particular the footage on the videotape in The Ring is much more emotionally disturbing.   The Ring has a handful of curse words, but even if there was foul language in Ringu it isn’t in the subtitles and you probably wouldn’t know a curse word from John 3:16.  Obviously, due to the intense nature of both movies I’d recommend you heed the rating and not let young children view either of these.
 
 
In both films the performances are believable.  Watts in particular sucks us right into her personal anxiety and woe, but perhaps not any more so than her Japanese counterpart in Ringu.  Even the facial expressions of the ex-boyfriend/husband respectively are identical.  Here I am hard pressed to pick one over the other.
 
You may find it difficult to secure a copy of Ringu.  Not a single store in Odessa, TX had it for sale and only Hastings made the DVD available to rent.  The “knowledgeable” folks at Blockbuster hadn’t even heard of it when it came out on DVD and the folks around the corner at our down-home video store couldn’t afford a copy for their shelves.  Best Buy does have this DVD for sale, but the SRP is an unusually high $29.99.  These factors alone may leave you with only the American alternative.
 
Overall, Ringu is a superior film and reason is quite simple: the story fits together better in the Far Eastern setting.  However, The Ring still has its distinct advantages.   There are no subtitles, the opening scene is more terrifying, and the make up is better.  Actually, Ringu offers only one extra scare.  Unfortunately, The Ring fails to make certain plot points clear thus leaving a thing or two muddled in your mind as the credits roll, but by that time you’ll have more to worry about than trivial unresolved plot-points.  Several alterations have been made to supplant the Oriental mysticism of Ringu.  Some were quite novel; ingeniously helping the story along, but others just aren’t tied in well at all.  To share more would give too much away.
 
For those who choose to rent or buy The Ring on DVD, here's an Easter Egg for you.  (Sharing this is probably going to save my life—I hope.)  On the main menu screen arrow down until nothing on the screen is highlighted any more.  Hit enter and you will be treated to something delightfully scary indeed.  Go ahead—try to hit FF, try to hit REV, try to hit stop!  It won’t save you!  Nothing will! 
 
I give Ringu a HOT DATE rating and The Ring a MATINEE.  You can choose your own poison.  Both of these movies are the scariest thing I’ve seen since The Sixth Sense and the opening scene in The Ring is so intense I can’t help but think of Drew Barrymore and the first ten minutes of Scream.  Just don’t watch either movie alone and afterward be prepared to run should the need arise.  
 
 And lest we forget, the sequel is just around the corner!  Cool poster, huh?

Searching for Bobby Fischer? Search No More!

Former world chess champion, America's Bobby Fischer is pictured in this August 10, 1971 file photo at an unknown location in the USA. (AP Photo) 

According to this report from the Associated Press, Bobby Fischer has been detained by Japanese immigration authorities.  The reclusive Fischer has been out of the public eye for over a decade and is notorious for popping up when you least expect, usually to play chess.

 Searching for Bobby Fischer isn't really about finding the elusive chess champion.  It is a true story based on a gifted young boy named Josh Waitzkin who enters the world of competitive chess.  Throughout the story, the boy details some of Fischer's exploits through voice over narration but it really is the simple touching story of a father and son.   Joe Mantegna does a superb job as sports writer Fred Waitzken, who penned the book upon which the movie is based.  Powerful performances from Joan Allen as the mother, Ben Kingsley as the tutor, and Laurence Fishburne as drug addicted chess player from Central Park make this film worth watching again and again.  Character actors William H. Macy and David Paymer show up as hyper-parents and look for Laura Linney in one of her earliest roles.
 
Every parent should see this film because it illustrates how easy it is to push our kids too far.  The Waitzkin's finally realized that no matter how good Josh was a chess, he still needed time to be a kid... to go fishing and play baseball, too.  If you haven't had to the chance to see this film, go rent it!  I give it a HOT DATE rating.