DVD Rundown

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (R)
Starring: Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet, Kirsten Dunst, and Tom Wilkinson
Director: Michael Gondry

This flick tops a lengthy list this week. Not necessarily for me, but more so for the Mrs. She really wants to see this one. I would probably be gung-ho to see it as well except for the fact it stars Kate Winslet and to put it delicately let's just say I'm just not a Winslet fan. In fact, if they really could wipe my memory away I'd probably start with all my memories of Winslet, too.

Track Down (R)
Starring: Skeet Ulrich, Tom Berenger, Donald Logue, and Amanda Peet
Director: Joe Chappelle

I don't know much about this film except it is based on the true story of Kevin Mitnick, computer hacker extraordinaire. Ulrich tackles the lead in this film also known as Takedown. Why is it so high up the list if I know so little about it? Because the rest of these films just don't hold much promise.

Walking Tall (PG-13)
Starring: The Rock, Johnny Knoxville, and Ashley Scott
Director: Kevin Bray

The next two films are kind of a toss-up for me. I'm not particularly fond of remakes, either. Why can't Hollywood just leave well enough alone? Regardless, I'm sure I'll rent it soon just to see for myself.

Envy (PG-13)
Starring: Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Christopher Walken
Director: Barry Levinson

Ostensibly this film looks funny but the fact that it didn't fair too well at the box office or with critics holds no promise for this DVD release. Black offers Stiller a chance to get in on the ground floor of dog-poop removal, Stiller balks at the idea, Black strikes it rich, and Stiller gets jealous. Or is it the other way around? Like it matters. Stiller the straight man. That's all I know for sure.

Footloose (R)

Starring: Kevin Bacon, Lori Singer, and John Lithgow

Director: Herbert Ross

I'm ashamed to say that I actually liked this movie as a child. Maybe being the son of a preacher man who opposed dancing. I didn't go to a dance until I was a senior in high school. (I just decided I was going one night after we won a football game because I wanted to hang out with this girl named Marla. She dumped me a few weeks later. Can you imagine that? I was THE QUARTERBACK for crying out loud. Honestly! What girl dumps THE QUARTERBACK. It was a very humbling experience to say the least. That's okay... the relationship was destined to fail. Alas, she was a Jehovah Witness and while it was okay for her dance and date a drug-dealer it wasn't okay for her to date a preacher's kid. But I digress.) As for Kevin Bacon... six degrees later Footloose is CATV material at best.

The Alamo (PG-13)
Starring: Dennis Quaid, Patrick Wilson, Jason Patric, and Billy Bob Thornton
Director: John Lee Hancock

How do you mess up The Alamo? I mean, it only lasted 13 days and just about every gringo dies. How hard is that? Well, this film should be a case study on how NOT to make a period piece about an important moment in history. I'd say FORGEDABOUDIT! but the wife is a TEXAS HISTORY TEACHER so what's a boy to do? Therefore it stands at CATV.

Super Size Me (NR)
Director: Morgan Spurlock

No desire whatsoever to see this film. Duh! Like we don't know Big Macs are bad for us? Like we don't know we have a problem with obesity in this country? Gee, I thought "documentaries" were supposed to enlighten us. What? Could you think of a less profound topic, Morgan?